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OPEN AUDITIONS: Majestic Readers’ Theatre Company presents The Heidi Chronicles

The Heidi Chronicles

By Wendy Wasserstein

Directed by Ellie Smith

Content: Appropriate Audiences

Open Auditions: Must be submitted by 5:00 PM February 1st

Rehearsal Timeframe: Feb 8- March 5

Tech Week: March 8-12 (via Zoom)

Livestream dates: March 27-28

The Majestic Theatre (a division of the City of Corvallis Parks and Recreation department) is committed to equity, diversity, and inclusion and to creating a safe place for actors of all backgrounds to explore their craft. We are particularly eager to work with artists of color and other artists from marginalized communities. All auditions are free and open to the public. This audition is for an amateur, volunteer production. The Majestic Theatre staff and volunteers do not discriminate on the basis of age, national origin, race, gender, ethnic background, disability, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation.


Majestic Readers’ Theatre Company - This show will be rehearsed and performed via Zoom. The performances will be presented via Vimeo and will utilize the Pick What You Pay $10-20 online ticket system. A link and a password will be sent to all ticket holders and will be provided to cast and crew.


This show follows the life of a passionate art historian named Heidi Holland from an awkward high school dance to the adoption of her child at age 40 as a single mom. She wrestles with what it means to be a “well-educated” woman in a constantly evolving world where those around her transition from idealism to militant feminism back to an unsettling materialism. She discovers what it means to get what you want, what you need or simply what’s realistic. She is accompanied on her journey by her art, her friends, her besties who seem more certain of her than she is of herself and an enigmatic, ego driven lover. At the conclusion of the play, she has found peace and fulfillment in the being true to who she is in the here and now.


I chose “Heidi” in part because I find Heidi to be an exceedingly relatable character. My life thus far has been very different than hers in numerous ways however I feel like her vulnerabilities, worries, convictions and social behavioral cycles are very similar to my own and I sense I’m not alone in that. I appreciate the intense and authentic relationships that she has with her friends. Her story just feels strikingly real to me. I hope we can convey this realness to our audience.


Please pick ONE side for any of the four main roles OR THREE for the ensemble roles and record yourself reading on a cellphone or webcam and email to ellianne106@gmail.com. Auditions videos must be submitted by 5:00 PM on Monday February 1st. If needed, we will set up a Zoom meeting to hear actors read together.

We will begin Zoom rehearsals the following week (Feb 8-12) twice a week. Only the actor playing Heidi will be called for all rehearsals. All actors are needed for Tech Week filming sessions VIA ZOOM.


All characters do not have a specific race or ethnic background; we're excited to see a diverse pool of actors audition for all roles.


Character Age: ages 16-40 throughout the play

Character Race: Any

Character Ethnicity: Any

Desired Actor Gender: Any but will present as “female”

Ability/movement: Any

Character: A young woman who becomes an accomplished art historian. She is passionate about her work and has a strong of personal and social justice but often has issues connecting with others to her satisfaction.


Character Age: ages 16-40 throughout the play

Character Race: Any

Character Ethnicity: Any

Desired Actor Gender: Any but will present as “female”

Ability/movement: Any

Character: Heidi’s high school bestie. A chameleon in all areas of her life who unequivocally speaks her mind and routinely seems to know Heidi better than Heidi knows herself. She becomes a lawyer and later a producer.


Character Age: ages late teens to 40s throughout the play

Character Race: Any

Character Ethnicity: Any

Desired Actor Gender: Any but will present as “male”

Ability/movement: Any

Character: The charming ,clever, very queer male best friend to Heidi who becomes a heralded pediatrician.

Note: This actor must identify as non-heterosexual


Character Age: ages early 20s to 40s throughout the play

Character Race: Any

Character Ethnicity: Any

Desired Actor Gender: preference for male identifying actor

Ability/movement: Any

Character: A bright eyed, quick witted lawyer/publisher who would undoubtedly be slapped daily for his arrogance were it not for his charm. He and Heidi have an ongoing spirited affair throughout the play.


Age: will portray multiple roles of different ages and genders

Desired Actor Gender: see above

Race: Any

Ethnicity: Any

Ability/Movement: Any

Note: 1-2 of these actors must identify as non-heterosexual



I picked up my overstuffed bag. But as I was just between Mrs. Green’s raccoon coat and a purple leather bomber jacket, I tripped on one of the hotshots’ goddamned five-pound professional weights and out of my bag flew a week’s worth of change, raspberry gum wrappers and Alexander Pope on the Picturesque, right on the gray-haired fiction- woman’s foot.

I began giggling. “Oh.” “That’s OK.” “Excuse me.” “I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry I don’t wear leather pants.” “I’m sorry I don’t eat brown rice.” “I’m sorry I don’t want to stand naked and discuss Zeus sneakers.” “I’m sorry I don’t want you to find out I’m worthless. And superior.”

And suddenly I stop competing with all of them. Suddenly I’m not even racing. I don’t blame the ladies in the locker room for how I feel. I don’t blame any of us. We’re all concerned intelligent good women. pause F*ck!


Heidi, men rely on first impressions. Just move! The worst thing you can do is cluster. Because then it looks like you just wanna hang out with your girlfriend. But don’t look desperate. Men don’t dance with desperate women. Oh my God! There’s one coming! Will you start moving! Trust me!


I don’t think so. Honey, all we know is sitcom is big, art is big and women are big. Like your friend Lily Perry! Lilla! Oh, always the historian. You know I missed the Heidi Chronicles. In LA, everyone creates their own history. Honey, I would love to work with you. I think we could have a lot of fun. And that’s not so terrible. pause No. Heidi’s not offended. She just doesn’t want to do it.


I find men who smoke and twist at the same time so dreary. I was drawn to you from the moment I saw you shielding that unfortunate wench rolling up her garments in the tempest.


Don’t worry my darling. According to my mental health friends, we are heading into a decade of self-obsession. I am simply at the forefront of the movement. And speaking of the self-obsessed and satisfied, how is Poopsie? Really! He isn’t running for president yet! His parents must be ashamed of him. “Harry? Scoop is dead in this house? Do you hear me? Dead!


It’s a hectic social schedule. Cha-cha lessons at five, cocktails in limbo party at six, dinner under the stars at seven and free love with safe sex at eight.


Heidi, last night three immune deficient children in Queens were burned out of their home because an entire neighborhood preferred they not return to school next year. I don’t know who the hell wants to get in here at midnight. But I can assure you that I am not very happy that they can.


Susan, let me get this straight. You would rather drive back to Poughkeepsie with five virgins in a Volkswagen discussing Norman Mailer and birth-control on dangerous frozen roads then go drinking with Eugene McCarthy, Paul Newman and Scoop Rosenbaum? You’re cute Susan. Very cute…. one f*ck of a liberal! Yup. You’ll be one of those true believers who didn’t understand it was just a phase. The Trotskyite during Lenin’s new economic policy. The worshiper of fallen images in Christian Judea. You are a very serious person. In fact you are the unfortunate contradiction in terms – a serious GOOD person. And I envy you that.


What if I get left behind! You mean if after all the politics, you girls decide to go hog wild demanding equal pay, equal rights, equal orgasms? Why do you cover your mouth when you talk about sex?

Pick THREE of the following to audition for the ensemble actor roles. Please state the name of the character before each side.

APRIL, late 30s

If you’ve just joined us, I am April Lambert and this is Hello New York. We’re speaking today with members of the baby boom generation. The kids who grew up in the 50s, protested in the 60s were the “me’s” of the 70s and the parents of the 80s. Here with us today are Scoop Rosenbaum, editor of the very successful and influential Boomer magazine, Heidi Holland, author of And the Light Floods in from the Left and the director of Womenzart. Is that pronounced like Mozart?


Anyway when my dad left, my mom flipped out. So she went to Esalen in California. I think she’s talking to a tree or something. She was only going for a week, but it’s been six months. So I asked Bobby to move in, at least until I finished high school, but it’s kinda not working. I mean, I try to be super nice to him. I make all his meals and I never disagree with him. But then he just gets angry or stoned. So when I need to think things through, I lock the bathroom door and cry. Now you’re all going to hate me right?


Hi, I’m Chris Boxer, student council president here. Heidi? Great. I knew I could talk to you. Do you want to dance? Oh, I thought you were alone. It was very nice to meet you both. What’s that? Well there’s the headmaster. I guess I have to go and uh, ask him how it’s going. Keep the faith.

*finger guns*

DEBBIE, late 20s

At 2 o’clock this afternoon, my sisters and I plan to march on the curator’s office and demand equal representation for our vision. We urge you to join us. Heidi, I’m afraid some of our group may have gone to the wrong location. Let’s go have a look around. Excuse me? I find your ironic tone both paternal and caustic. I am sorry. I can’t permit you to join us. This is a women’s march. Heidi? God, I despise manipulative men.

FRAN, 30

No, we grew up on f*ckin’ Father Knows Best and we think we have rights! Do you think Jane Wyatt demanded clitoral stimulation from Robert Young? No f*ckin’ way.

JILL, 40

I’m the mother of four daughters and when I first came, I was as Fran would say a “f*ckin’ Hostess cupcake.” Everybody in my life-my husband Bill, my daughters, my friends-could lean on perfect Jill. The only person was there was one person I had completely forgotten to take care of. JILL.


You know I think we’re all just terrific! And I swear that neither snow nor sleet nor Aphrodite’s tits could keep me from getting my ass here.

LISA, late 20s (slight southern accent)

Sweetie, don’t be such a little piggy. Dr. Patrone, would you join me for my first dance? Obviously my husband has decided to be antisocial at his own wedding. Heidi, don’t you hate that we can only get a reaction out of our men when they feel competitive? But maybe that’s why it’s so fun to push them around.

Oh, and sweetie, one more thing. There are two women I don’t recognize waltzing around the dance floor together. Aunt Florence thinks they’re interlopers. Shake your booties, doctor.

Submit your audition materials by 5:00 PM, Monday February 1st by emailing ellianne106@gmail.com

Please pick ONE side for any of the four main roles OR THREE for the ensemble roles and record yourself reading on a cellphone or webcam and email your audition video.

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The Majestic Theatre is a branch of the City of Corvallis Parks and Recreation Department, dedicated to bringing a wide range of artistic productions and arts education programs to the citizens of Corvallis.

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